New White House Policy: Nepotism

Today, I want to talk about nepotism-- yeah, I know it’s a big word that has no basis in a root word. It’s from a time when Catholic priests would give their nephews jobs-- young, nubile, androgynous nephews. It has been a practice throughout history. And we ALL know someone who gave someone a job, or has a job they are unqualified for because of their family. I promise, when my son gets older, I’m taking him on the road with me and he is gonna work his ass off at gigs. Because I can underpay him and over-abuse him. I’ve paid his bills his whole life, and payback is a bitch; just like my ex-wife. Here is why you hire your kids: You can yell at them and they won’t call Human Resources, because YOU are Human Resources. You can skip a paycheck or two if things get tight, and you can bribe them with the old, “This whole business one day, will be all yours!” Then when you retire, you skim it and lay the bankruptcy on them. Hiring your kids isn't the worst thing in the world if you need some weeds pulled, or own a taco truck that parks near one of those carnivals set up in the high school parking lot.

BUT! If you're the President of the most powerful country in the world, you don’t hire your daughter as a Senior Advisor, especially if she is best at designing and selling shoes that are made in China. I just watched an interview with Ivanka, and she was talking about education. The problem was she said UMMMM more than a meditating Tibetan monk. Maybe you should get some education on public speaking before you speak about EDUCATION in public. On top of that, her husband Jared Kushner, is said to be NE-FUCKING-GOTIATING with Israel! HE is currently in IRAQ, “assessing the situation.” How stupid are we that not only have we elected a delusional, possibly Alzheimer's ridden, rodeo clown, reality star, BUT, we let him install his daughter and son-in-law in positions of power in the White House. The White House has never been whiter. Ivy and Jar Jar Kush may be nice people, they may be rich and they may be successful, but if that is all it takes to run America, we should have just elected Jay-Z and Beyonce. I would have a bit more ease knowing that Hova and Bey were dealing with North Korea than this thin-skinned sweet potato and his son-in-law.

People, JARED KUSHNER IS A 36-year-old, silver spoon in his mouth, elite Richie Rich, REAL ESTATE GUY WHO WORKED FOR HIS DADDY AND NOW HIS WIFE’S DADDY. HE IS IN IRAQ TODAY NEGOTIATING ON HOW TO DEAL WITH ISIS! WHAT. THE. FUCK? Aren’t there other people more qualified? A general, a humvee mechanic, ME! I’ve been to Iraq more than Jared Kushner!

This administration is acting like they are buying a new mall instead of protecting us against terrorism and solving complex international issues. Diplomacy isn’t taking out the garbage and if the best in the world can’t fix the Middle East: Carter, Clinton, Obama, Biden, Bush, how the hell is some reality television star, his hair flipper, shoe designing daughter, and her husband gonna fix it? This is the first time in my life I’ve prayed the Illuminati has their hands on the wheel.

I’m Christopher Titus, and this is the Armageddon Update.