Love is Retarded!

Lets talk about relationships. It’s an old story, you know how sometimes you meet someone and although you are with somebody else, you know this new person is your soul mate? Even though they are an ex German rapper turned ISIS terrorist you were sent to interrogate? We’ve all been through it, man if I had a nickel...

Daniela Green was an FBI translator who went to Syria to marry an Isis terrorist slash rapper and then warned him he was under investigation. His real name is Denis Cuspert and his rap name was Deso Dogg, two g’s. In Syria he was known as Abu Talha Al- Almani…Doggg, three g’s.

Beside the fact that this woman with top secret clearance left her current husband, who was in the army, to marry a guy she was supposed to interrogate, my question is: how shitty of a rapper are you that you that you had to join Isis? That sounds like a Dis, “Yo homie, your beats so weak and your flow so bad you had to join Isis, People was begging to have they heads cut off so they don’t have to listen to your wack ass rhymes” Dogggg, four g’s the more g’s the bigger the dis.

Here is my second question. How good is your player game that even though you are a terrorist and the worst rapper since William Hung you still had enough sexy with the ladies that you not just dated a girl but an FBI agent who is supposed to interrogate you? And were so smooth “You baby, yeah I know I’m all up in here committing jihad for allah, But you so fine, I don’t need 72 virgins I’m just gonna do you 72 times, tonight.” Then this girl married The Isis rapper, MC Be-heading! and moved to a nice cottage in war torn Syria.

My third question. Look a lot of women like bad boys, but she was a white college girl who left her US army husband to marry a black rapper turned terrorist. How bad did she hate her father? I’ll bet he’s pretty sorry he bitched about that pothead she dated when she was a junior. For the rest of her life she could literally bring anyone home for thanks giving.

"Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Hans, he’s the drummer in a metal band and the owner of a meth-lab, he steals food from meals on wheels."

“ Welcome to the family son.”

The good news for her is when her girlfriends are all sitting around and bitching about their exes she can pretty much wait it out then bam! Well Denis, although he made me call him Jihad dogg (two g’s) he was just an angry terrorist cutting peoples head off and just being a dick. Then he would try to rap about it and couldn’t even find a rhyme for “death with Israel” then I said “Watch me chow down on Jew grizzle” and he got so mad. His terrorist buddies were laughing so hard, so I put on my hijab and I got the hell out of there, praise Allah, I mean Jesus.

Relationships are hard with two normal people but sometimes even though you are a failed German rapper terrorist named Denis and an FBI Traitor college student, you gotta know that Love is retarded.

I’m Christopher Titus and this is the Armageddon Update!