Today I want to talk about nudity, nakedness, birthday suits, the big lumpy pink onesie, and all the parts that hang off of those boobs, balls, butts, booties and pee pees. That’s right today I am a four year old in my language but a grown man in my actions. The most honorable group of people I have met in my life, the Marines, have shown that they are really trying to change that and become an organization that objectifies the people they are sworn to protect. There is a private page on Facebook that is posting the female Marines privates. Most of the time without their knowledge. Now I like a naked female body as much if not more than anyone. As a matter of fact, it is my favorite thing. As a matter of fact, I wanted to go and look at the naked marine website but something inside of me, integrity, I think it’s called, reared it’s shiny and unwanted head and I instead decided to be a real man.
Let’s talk about the scum that we men are. You ever notice that there are no private sites that women started, showing the hang danglers of men only? Sure there are sights with naked men but those were started by gay MEN. Guys! Why are we such an crazy horny, sexually depraved, race of deviants? I’ll give you you a clue. Women. That’s right everything you women do is to get us riled up, warmed up and acting like monkeys. The heels, the make, up the push up bras. On top of that you don’t like sex as much as we do. So you babes have all the assets, they are on display as you walk around activating every low level caveman sexual alarm we have and then you won’t have sex with us?
Do you know if you just had sex with us everyday, yes that’s right, everyday, sometimes twice, things on this planet would change dramatically. Equal pay, no problem. Buy you dinner, shoes, a car? No problem. Wars would stop, drug companies would go broke because we would no longer need anti depressants. The internet would become a dust bowl because no one would look at porn because they were getting laid! That being said, for that to happen men have to start acting a lot better than these Marines who posted naked female soldiers online.
Guys, come on. IF a woman sends you an explicit naked picture of herself, that is sacred, a magical connection and trust that should be respected and cherished. Not put up on a website under the heading “Naughty Sargent Sindy.” Come on guys, you are Marines you are supposed to be better than that. No wonder women wont have sex with us, we are untrustworthy, dirty dogs who have less class than a party at Ted Nugent’s Alabama bunker during Black history month. But let’s try guys. Let’s try to class it up a little. Hold the door for her, make her dinner once in a while and when she sends you a naked picture of her. Keep that special! She gave it to you, no one else. Use it as she intended, she gave that to you for your pleasure, no one else’s, just make sure you put that picture in a ziplock bag so you don’t create a new Jackson Pollack painting.
I’m Christopher Titus and this is the Armageddon update.