F the Earth


Well, set an old tire on fire in the kids room and kick a bunny in the testicles, we are out of the Paris climate accord. That's right people, sweet potato Hitler has taken us out of the worldwide climate agreement and sent us down the road to a dystopian future where we kill each other for a glass of water with tumor ridden bugs in it. Thank you Orange fat man, you are the worst thing this planet has seen since... well since your TV show. That's right, the guy who was on the apprentice has just fired the PLANET EARTH. Problem is WE LIVE HERE. Trump you make Gary Busey and Hitler look thoughtful, level headed, and sublime.

So almost every scientist in the world, almost every country and almost every company knows global warming is happening. Yet the guy that is proud of his random pussy grabbing thinks climate change is a hoax. A guy that listens to Brietbart but won't listen to FUCKING NASA! I wonder when Trump tweets at 3am if he is wearing a tinfoil hat?

So what does pulling out of the climate deal mean? Well it means that the United States will take it's proud place next to some of the bastions of world leadership: Syria and Nicaragua.

Trump said he thought the deal "punishes the United States". We are 4% of the population of the planet and responsible for 25% of the planet's pollution. I think you should ask a Dolphin if we're being punished enough. I think you would get a rousing UH HUH!

Some of our birds have more black lung than the coal miners Trump's trying to save. And here is the exceptionally f'ed part, one of Trump's buddies Billionaire Wilber Ross, is a coal mine owner AND our current commerce secretary. That's right, the guy in the White House hired a guy who owns coal mines that will be closed down if we stay in the Paris Climate Agreement. Hey Trump, you got a little coal dust on your lips but at least you wore kneepads.

This is why our current leader has such a love affair with coal, you know coal, the other white meat. So healthy and minty, like a fresh glass of lemonade with just a hint of cancer.

If we are going to go back to coal, hell let's go back to the cotton gin, red dye number nine, and then let's start slavery back up. That would really kick the economy in the butt! Workers that cost nothing? We could be like China! We could make stuff for almost nothing. Just think of all those hobbling jobs we could bring back! The good news is that all the soot and carbon and cancer causing shit that Trump is now going to make okay to shoot into the air, will jsut stay over the coal mine, it won't drift over to preschool or the assisted living cottages...

We're all gunna be fine...until the ice melts and we all drown. Thanks Trump for by far being the dumbest, least insightful, un self-aware, irresponsible douche we have EVER had as President. The greatest douche, ever. Believe me.

I'm Christopher Titus and this is the Armageddon Update!

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